A few pictures from October

Oatmeal Applesauce Cookies for Toddlers

 Sadie helped me make "cookies" for the first time yesterday.  I put that in quotations because these are so healthy they barely qualify.  This is a great recipe to do with a toddler because it's super easy (just throw everything into a bowl) and it has no eggs, so you don't have to worry if she decides to start eating the dough (which she did.)

Oatmeal Applesauce Cookies
3 cups rolled oats
1 cup unbleached flour
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 1/2 cups unsweetened applesauce
2/3 cup brown sugar (or your preferred sweetener)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup shredded coconut (optional)
1/2 cup dried currants (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

First combine all dry ingredients (oats, flour, cinnamon & nutmeg.)  Then stir in applesauce, brown sugar and vanilla until well blended.   At this point you can throw in any dried fruit, seeds, nuts, etc.  I put in coconut and currants because those are favorites around these parts.

Roll into 1 inch balls, place on cookie sheet and then push down to flatten the tops a bit.  Put in pre-heated oven for 15-20 minutes until lightly browned.

Makes around 36.

19 months - a walk to the ravine

Some reflections on Sadie's birth

For quite some time after Sadie was born I was saddened by the fact that I didn't have the birth that I had wanted and planned for. Who am I kidding... I still am. I get a pang in my stomach when I think about everything I missed. I wanted a natural birth. I wanted to experience the feeling of pushing her out of me. I wanted to be able to bring her to my chest and start nursing right away. I wanted constant cuddle time in the hours and days following Sadie's birth. None of these things worked out as planned.

We found out that I was pregnant right before Kevin left for a three month tour across Europe, the UK & Russia. Our only source of income at the time was unemployment checks from my previous employer, so I quickly applied for and received medicaid coverage for the birth.

Three months alone. And pregnant. I had a lot of time on my hands. I started doing a ton of research. I spent hours and hours scouring websites, blogs, and message boards about childbirth. I watched The Business of Being Born. I read Ina May Gaskin. I knew from the start that I wanted to have a natural birth, but now I was starting to think that I wanted to have a home birth. A couple of my friends had done that and they had nothing but positive things to say about it. I began my prenatal visits with an ob/gyn but also scheduled an appointment to meet with a midwife and doula after Kevin's return.

Our meeting with the midwife and doula was at a local organization that specializes in home birth. They both were extremely nice and informative. I got a huge packet of information, which included a recipe for a pregnancy tea that I drank religiously from that time forward. But the issue for us came down to one thing, plain and simple: money. We had none. Medicaid would cover the birth 100% if it was in a hospital but 0% at home. The organization of midwives does make an effort to do all they could do to help low income families. There was a list of things they would accept as barter and a fund you could apply to for a portion off the cost. But they did need a deposit from us and it was something that we just didn't have.

In our initial discussion after leaving the meeting Kevin and I decided that home birth was out of the question for us financially. But could we justify the expense for a doula? Kevin told me it was my decision to make and he would be supportive either way, that we would find a way to scrape together money if that's what I wanted. I toiled over it for weeks, going back and forth and back again. I read blogs and message boards that all seemed to say the same thing: get a doula! But I didn't want to spend money that we didn't really have for something that, at the time, seemed like such a luxury. I also thought about the fact that every single other thing I've done in my life I've been able to through my own strong will and perseverance. Why would birth be any different? I would do it the way I wanted to, on my terms, no problem. So I finally decided to save the money and do it chemical-free, at a hospital, but without a doula.  

I read a bunch of books on natural childbirth. A friend who had given birth at home gave me all of the information and coursework from the home birth class she had taken. As mentioned before, I drank pregnancy tea daily, hoping the red raspberry leaf would prepare my uterus. I typed out a very detailed birth plan and made sure that everyone who was going to be involved with the birth knew my wishes. I felt confident and well prepared, not a bit nervous or scared. I could do this!

And then the birth came and.... literally nothing happened as planned. For the first time in my life I had set out to do something and had failed miserably. Determination, preparation, and will power had failed me.

Some emotions I have felt when looking back on the whole thing: Guilt when I see studies about the long term health effects of natural birth on the baby. Sadness when I see clips from movies or tv shows of a just born baby being lifted up to the mothers arms. Embarrassment for being a big promoter of doing things natural and not being able to. Loss when I think about how I will never experience this part of motherhood.

Luckily, despite the rocky start, Sadie and I had a bond that could not be weakened by circumstance. Just hours after my c-section I was on my way down to the NICU to breastfeed her. I fought nurses who tried to give her formula and complained to their superior. For a week I camped out, never leaving her side. I was a fierce mama protecting my bear cub and no one has ever doubted my commitment or determination to do only what was best for my little one. So yeah, the birth was rough, but I am still one kick ass mom.

Other emotions I have regarding the birth:  Pure Happiness that despite the initial hardship my baby girl is healthy and happy.  Gratitude that I had my husband by my side and my parents were just around the corner.  Confidence that even though I am not a perfect person I am always making the best choices that I can at any given moment for my daughter.

Make your own cloth diaper wipes and homemade wipe solution

When you are using cloth diapers it is actually easier to use cloth wipes as well.  That way everything dirty gets thrown into the same place.   You can buy cloth diaper wipes and solution but I've never tried either.  They are both easy and super cheap to make.

DIY Cloth Diaper Wipes

First thing I did was go to the thrift store and buy a bunch of super soft flannel baby blankets.  I brought them home and gave them a good wash on sterilize mode.

Cut up your baby blankets into squares.  Cut the squares to whatever size wipes you think would work well for you.  I did mostly 8x8 inch squares and also some that were 4x8 inches.

Place two of the squares together, pattern side facing out.  Do a tight zig-zag stitch around the entire border (I don't sew so I may not be using the right terms here!)

Ta-da!  A diaper wipe.  Simple right?   The first couple times you wash them you will get a little bit of a fringe.  Just trim that off and you are good to go.

I did 20 of the 8 x8 size and 10 of the 4 x 8.  I like having both sizes.  The large ones are great when you need a lot of coverage and the small ones are good for details and pee-only changes.

To wet the wipes I keep a small bowl and an old french press by my changing table and then just wet one or two in the bowl as needed.  The french press is insulated so if I fill it with hot water it will stay warm for a long time (no need for an electric wipe warmer over here.)

When Sadie was exclusively breastfed I wiped with just plain warm water and that worked great.  Around 6 months, when she started eating solids, I began making this wipe solution.

Homemade Wipe Solution
1/2 tablespoon safflower oil
1/2 tablespoon castile soap*
5 drops lavender essential oil
topped off with 16 oz hot tap water

*be sure to use unscented/baby castile soap

I put everything into the french press and push the plunger down so that it all gets mixed up.  The oil will tend to sink to the bottom so if it's been sitting around for a while I give it a shake or plunge the plunger to get it mixed again.  Don't want to use a french press?  You can also put it in a large plastic squeeze bottle or any other type of container that will work well for you.

What about cloth diaper changes on the go?  Originally I tried using cloth wipes but I prefer to just use disposables when I'm out and about.  I throw them into the wet bag with the dirty diaper and put it into the wash.  The disposable wipes will go through the wash and dryer fine.  Once they are dry I just throw them away or use them for something else.  They come out just as clean as your diapers, so why not?  One good use I've found is putting a stack of them into a ziploc bag with a little witchhazel water.  It makes great wipes for dirty hands when you are out and about.

Sadie's Birth Story

Here is Sadie's birth story that I wrote two weeks after she was born.  These are just the facts as I remembered them.  I eventually will do did a blog post about my feelings on how the events unfolded and what I would have done differently.

Dad & Mom staring down with the same look of adoration

Sadie's due date, Feb 8th, 2012, came and went. After it passed I began desperately trying everything I could to get labor started. I wanted a natural birth so I really was hoping things would get started on their own before 42 weeks which is when an induction would be scheduled.

I was thrilled when I started getting regular contractions around 10 pm on Saturday, Feb 18. I was 41 weeks + 4 days so she was coming just in time. I had regular contractions all night lasting around 45 seconds every 6-7 min. I got absolutely no sleep because of the pain and the excitement. Around 8 am Sunday morning I called my parents and let them know that today was going to be the day. Kevin usually works weekends so he called off and told them he would be taking his week long vacation starting that day. But then around 10 am the contractions basically just stopped.

Rather than getting some sleep on Sunday, I spent the day trying to do things to get labor going again. Around 11 pm Sunday evening the contractions started back up. I spent the whole night up again and this time it they seemed to be getting stronger and a little tiny bit closer together.

By Monday morning they were about 5 minutes apart. I hadn't slept for 2 nights but I was so excited I couldn't even tell that I was tired. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for 11:30 that day, so at 8 am I called the office to see if I should still go to it or if I should just head in to the hospital. He told me to take a shower and rest for a few hours and then just head to the hospital. It was hard for me to rest though. I managed to eat a small bowl of yogurt and granola. We headed to the hospital around 11 am.

They examined me and I was at a 4. This was encouraging to me considering at each of my prior exams I had never been bigger than a 1. They went ahead and checked me in and took me to my room. 

So Monday from around 11:30 am until 6 pm I labored in my room with Kevin. I felt extremely weak and tired since I hadn't slept for days and they wouldn't allow me to eat or drink. I kept begging for food and they brought me popsicles which didn't help at all. The nurse examined me at 6 pm and told me I was at 6 cm. I couldn't believe in all that time I had only dilated 2 cm! She said my bag of waters was bulging and ready to break at any moment. She said it was so ready to break that she could have probably broken it with her finger-tip and asked if I wanted to call a doctor in to break it. I told her to hold off, that I wanted to think about it. 

After about an hour I decided my labor had to start progressing so I called the nurse and told her I did want my water broken. She said she would call this doctor in to do it (not my doctor). At about 8 pm they broke my water.

That is when things got really intense. The pain of the contractions got really really bad. After about an hour I started feeling extremely ill. I felt really weak and felt like I was going to vomit and actually did a little bit. This went on until around 2 am Tuesday morning when they checked me again. At this point I was only 7 cm. I couldn't understand how that could be. In six hours of the most intense painful labor I had only gone up 1 cm??? This is when they told me I would need to start pitocin. I had really wanted a natural birth but at this point I was so sick and miserable I wanted to do whatever I could to have it be over. I decided there was no way I could get pitocin without an epidural so I told them to give me both.

So around 2 am Tuesday morning I got both an epidural and got started on pitocin. I fell asleep immediately. From 2 am-8 am was a weird haze of chills and fever dreams. I kept waking up and complaining that I was cold. The nurse said it was probably from the IV. I had my husband put a bunch of blankets on me and turn up the heat in the room. The next thing i remember is the nurse waking me up telling me that I had a fever of 104 and that they were going to give me antibiotics. I was really confused and I have no idea what time this was. 

At 9 am they woke me up to check my dilation. They said I was finally at a 10 and that it would be time to start pushing soon. My doctor came in and told me I had developed chorioamnionitis (a bacterial infection) after my water was broken which is why I had the fever and was feeling so ill. Around 9:30 am I started pushing. I still felt really sick and weak so it was difficult. Despite being on pitocin all night my contractions were still really far apart. I had to wait 5 minutes after pushing for another contraction to begin. Around noon my doctor informed me that despite having pushed for 2.5 hours, no progress had been made. He said that I could try pushing for another hour or I could elect for a c-section. By this point I didn't even have to think about it. I was so miserable and also worried about the health of my baby because of the infection. I told him I wanted to do the c-section.

At 12:36 pm on Tuesday Feb 21st Sadie Elise was born. They let me see her for just a second before rushing her off to the NIC unit. I had a couple nurses tell me it was a good thing I decided to do the c-section when I did. They told me the infection had gotten into her stomach and her lungs. They put her on a 7-day course of antibiotics and did a bunch of tests to make sure she wouldn't have to stay longer (all of which she passed with flying colors). By day 2 she was acting like a 100% healthy baby girl and from there on out it was just a waiting game until the 7th day so she could be released.

My 32nd Birthday

It was my birthday a couple weeks ago and I snapped a couple pics at our afternoon picnic. There probably would have been (a lot) more pictures but the most photogenic of the three of us fell asleep on the car ride over. So we found a nice cozy spot where we could park the car next to us, and let the little one sleep while we enjoyed our snacks and the fresh air.

After our picnic we dropped Sadie off at her grandparent's house and went out for dinner and a movie.  We tried a new place for dinner and the food was okay but the crowd there was obnoxious. And then the movie we were trying to see had technical difficulties and we were refunded our money.  BUT, despite the circumstances, it was a great day and it was awesome to have an evening out with just the two of us.